Wednesday, July 29, 2009
It sounds like this is HER adoption plan, and she hasn't been forced in to it, which bodes well for us and our future relationship with her. Her family seems supportive, she has definitive goals for the future and has already started planning her life after pregnancy. All good signs!
I'm hoping to get out of work early today so that I can call her and introduce myself. I'm glad she's open to talking to us. We figured it's best if I call her first, then bring Frank into the conversation - the two of us could be overwhelming at first!
My social worker also made the point of telling her about our first loss situation, and how delicate these situations are. She said the birthmother felt awful for us, and assured her she is ready to follow her plan. I know this still isn't a guarantee, but I have to appreciate that she's being proactive here and really seems to want to do this. Fingers crossed everyone!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
She seems to have a great attitude towards adoption, and has specific goals for her future. But we all know that goals and plans change. So for now I am just trying to keep myself busy, and not stare at my cell phone as I wait for the social worker to call me and let me know how it went today.
I also don't think that my company is taking this case seriously. I haven't heard back from HR if they have found any candidates to even start interviewing, and my boss is now beginning to take work away from our account teams and put it back on me. Kind of the opposite of what I was hoping would happen. But work is work, and if/when the call comes that I have to head to the hospital, I AM GOING, and everything I'm working on will just get reassigned as quickly as I can make it happen.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I've already ordered 2 boxes of newborn socks for one friend (the sneakers pictured here and a set of cowboy boots). They also had them for toddlers so I ordered a set for a certain one-year-old I know that is just not so into shoes...
I was able to control myself and did not buy anything for my sooner-or-later-hopefully-sooner baby. We did sign our commitment letter today, so it was quite hard to control my spending. But to be honest, the real reason I didn't buy any is because I'm not sure if my newest birthmother is having a boy or a girl yet! I should find out tomorrow or Tuesday! But you better believe if it's a girl I'm buying the ballet slipper socks!
Fingers crossed...and happy shopping www.trumpette.com
Thursday, July 23, 2009
We have A TON of questions about the case, but she seems like a great candidate (I know, I've already said that twice...). She seems to have a great attitude towards adoption, and to have thought this through. It's a little scary to jump into another case so quickly, but I guess depending on the answers I get, how could I turn down a chance to be a mom?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I am really tired of people telling me that "everything happens for a reason" or "something good will come out of this." I have probably already mentioned this, but this is really a stupid thing to say to someone. First of all, I do believe in God, and I do go to church and all that. But do I really think God is up there playing this game with me? No, I do not. Do I think that if something bad happens to you, something good will follow? No, I do not. So what do I think? I think that things happen, good and bad; life goes on; and life is really what YOU make of it. Thinking there is some worldy reason for everything is a cop out. I had two unfortunate endings to an adoption case. I'm not giving up. I choose to continue down this path, stay positive, continue to get excited about each and every case (even if I do keep it to myself and the blog from now on) and know that if I stay strong and stick with it, eventually a case will work out and I will have a baby. Or a toddler. Or triplets (hey, if I'm being optimistic why not go all the way!)
So what is a good thing to say to someone? Nothing has meant more to me than the text I received from hubby's ex-wife, mother of my wonderful stepdaughters. I am very lucky that they have a great relationship, and it has transcended into a happy, functional extended family. Her text said, "I can't even imagine what you are going through nor do I even know the right words to say. Don't give up. Hang in there. I know that there is a child out there for you to love, it just hasn't found you yet. I know it's not the same, but you are a good stepmom to my girls and I love you for that." It was literally a virtual hug :-)
Sometimes, there is just no better therapy that driving home, with a great CD blasting in the stereo, playing drums on the steering wheel, and singing your heart out. Last night I left work around 9:30, which means it was dark and there was no traffic so no one enjoyed the show but me. I threw in an old CD I had made of my favorite bar songs - the ones that when the bands starts to play you grab your friends and head to the dance floor so excited because they are clearly playing it because YOU are there. By the time I got home, I was destressed from work, adoption and life. And the fact that hubby had ordered a pizza so I didn't have to cook or go hungry definitely helped.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I'm sad, disappointed, frustrated and basically a little hopeless. BUT, tomorrow is another day. So today, I can be sad, disappointed, frustrated and hopeless, but tomorrow, the sun will come out, life will go on, and our profile will be shipped.
I am sad for the children. I hope that this family comes together to give them a good life, and put their best interests first. They have already been through a lot, and I hope the family understands that, and is ready to give them the life they deserve.
There is a baby out there for me. I know it. I just hope the next case has a happier ending because I don't know how many more times I can do this. I am thankful for the love, strength and support of my husband. And for Tostitos and nacho cheese which I am currently also finding comfort in. Diet starts tomorrow along with the resurgence of my positive attitude...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Then today I went to a baby shower. I've been to plenty in my life time, but this is the first since I had ever been selected by a birthmother. It was very casual and not overly 'baby shower-ish.' I had debated going - wondered if it would be hard for me to sit through - but it was a close friend, and we barely all get together anymore, so I figured I would be fine. Overall it wasn't a big deal, but watching her open all the gifts, and the excitement in the air over a newborn, and watching the daddy-to-be dote on the mommy-to-be made me a little sad. First time that's happened to me. I guess it's normal now that I am so far along down the adoption path and it's more real that our family will be staring soon.
I'm not sad that I won't be pregnant, or that I may or may not have a newborn. I think it's just the general excitement that most pregnant women get to experience (though I'm not jealous of the swollen ankles, retaining water, stretch marks, etc.!). But after my first adoption case fell apart, my family and friends are much more reserved with this one. And while I know that this one may or may not work out, I know that I will always be really excited for each and every case. I never want to look back at the anticipation of an adoption and remember that I was scared, nervous and anxious. I want to remember how excited I was, and the anticipation of meeting my son/daughter/both. But I know that the excitement my friends and family may feel for me is reserved, and behind a wall of doubt and angst that this one might not go through. Or that I will get hurt again. I think parents going through adoption just see it so differently than everyone else.
But for now, hubby and I will just keep reminding ourselves how happy and excited we are, and we'll turn our attention to baby proofing the house for their arrival!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
It's sad to take such joy in someone else's sorrow, but I am so excited to meet my new son and daughter. (This is me playing it cool and keeping my fingers crossed, as I promised hubby I would. I just can't contain excitement!)
I've already started reading up on life with toddlers, and adopting toddlers, since everything I was focusing on up until now was about newborns. So exciting and so much to do! But...fingers crossed!
Off to read my new "What to Expect: The Toddler Years" book!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Received pictures of the kids from the social worker. The children are absolutely adorable. I'm on cloud 9.
Work for 2 hours.
Received call from the social worker telling me that they have hit some snags with the termination rights of both birthparents, she's confused about what's going on, birthmother siad she's going to a different agency, and she doesn't think this is going to happen.
Literally three people lined up outside my office to talk to me, so by the time I even got to process what happened and call hubby, I have it all scrambled in my head. But regardless, it isn't happening.
So, we're back to sending out profiles and hope that we get another call!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Hubby and I have been spending a lot of time discussing this situation. It's not what we were planning for, but I think we both agree that while it will be more work, and potentially a difficult situation, it will be well worth it - we want a family and these kids deserve a good home. Isn't that all that matters?
We aren't going in blind. We've thought about the issues and the difficulties, as well as looking at this from the children's eyes. And I think as long as it lines up the way the social worker is expecting, if she calls with good news on Monday we will probably commit!
Hubby told my stepdaughters today and they are excited for two babies, but definitely going in to this case a lot more guarded. But I know once we get these babies home they will be thrilled! And Sheamus will finally have some little playmates!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Then yesterday another case worker calls with a very unique situation. She has two kids - a one year old and a two year old (boy and girl) who's mother wants to place them for adoption. Long story short she just wants them to have a better life.
Is it crazy of me to adopt two kids at once? I had really wanted an infant, and experience ALL the "firsts," but the thought of being able to keep siblings together and out of the foster system is hard to turn down.
It would be a lot more challenging - attachment issues, they could have developmental issues, etc. I don't know much about them at this point. Need to talk to the hubby about it, but I just don't know. It's so strange to be in this position of choosing our situation.
Monday, July 6, 2009
It did spur interesting debates though. While the adoptive parents have no rights in these situations, and I am left wondering about the rights the babies themselves have, I can't quite figure out how you would even go about changing legislation. I wish we were more protected, and that there was less risk with a birthmother changing her mind, us getting attached and then losing a baby, and not to mention the financial costs and risks. But it is a woman's right to choose to have and raise a child. Even if it isn't in the best interest of the child. And EVERYONE seems to have an opinion on it.
I also know that a lot of adoptive mothers are not offered maternity leave, which is typically covered by disability. I am lucky to work at a great place that offers 3 months maternity leave at full pay - and when my situation came up, they simply added a clause so it would include adoptive mothers as well. An amazing thing to do. But if it's covered by disability, it's no wonder most companies can't afford or don't even think to do that. So not only do we not have rights when it comes to the actual adoption process, most women are then forced to go straight back to work which interferes with their bonding and attachement to their new child.
In this day and age when families are so diverse and adoption is so common, I think it's crazy that legislation is so far behind social acceptance/tolerance. Though I guess the advocates of single-sex marriage feel the same way. We need YOUNG, FORWARD-THINKING officials running our government, fighting for the rights and happiness of our citizens.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I can't beleive that was a week ago already.
I might be dwelling, or this might be normal, I don't know. But I hope she's ok, and they are taking good care of her. I can still feel her in the crook of my arm. How can you love someone so much that you only knew for 6 hours? But it's getting better. I haven't cried for two days. That's two good days.
I don't know if I'm ready for another call yet, but I am glad the agency is showing our profile. I am so ready to be a mommy.